Strange but true laws in North Carolina

These are all laws currently on the books in NC, some are for the whole state, others are just for certain cities.

All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.

Because people were using them for cheap furniture, it's now illegal in North Carolina to take and sell labeled milk crates.

Charlotte: Women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times.

Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.

Forest City: You must stop and call City Hall before entering town in an automobile. This is so the townspeople will have time to go out and hold their horses until you get through town.

In Asheville, North Carolina, it is illegal to sneeze on city streets.

In Nags Head North Carolina you can be fined for singing out of tune for more than ninety seconds.

You may not ride a bicycle without having both your hands on the handle bars.

Just give me a whopper punk ass bitch!!

Great Burger King Commercial:

Where in the World Is Osama Bin Laden?

Super Size Me directior Morgan Spurlocks next documentary may or may not shed light on this....read more here.....http://film.guardian.co.uk/interview/interviewpages/0,,2245909,00.html

Picture of da week

My top picks for our next prez

1) Ron Paul - Google Ron Paul fuck heads!!!!
2) John Edwards
3) Tie - Obama / Clinton

Ohhh...our brilliant fucking me-de-a

Here John Stewart on the Daily Show discusses our rocket surgeons that run the U.S. media on the 2008 election coverage:

One of the 14 reasons why I'm not a runner

ouch!!

NEW DRIVE BY TRUCKERS ALBUM!!!

THIS fucker is a massively varied Southern gothic country/folk/rock n roll masterpiece with 19 songs adding up to over 75 minutes of great songs. Holy fuck bitch, I've listened to this five time so far, each time I have a favorite song and they are playing this in ashevegas in March!!

Man, these guys/gals keep bringing it like no other southern rock band is able to. So buy there album and buy some cheap whisky, git drunk and throw a rock thru your neighbors winder!!

Epic Mountain Bike Ride in Fucking Jan??

Yup, whoda think it? Not me at the beginning of this nearly clustero fuck of a bike ride. We all met(six of us in 4 cars vis a vi swingers) off of Yeller Gap Road roundish 12:45. Things looked a bit bleak when we got outta the car to see a whole shit pile of snow. There was little snow left in asheville at all of our houses so we were a bit serprised.

Nobody seemed to innarested in doing the planned ride due to a snowfall of round six inches covering the initial start of the climb on double track. Me, Lea and Cathorine climbed up a bit, it was nearly impossible to peddle up this grade thru this much snow so we turned around. The rest of the crew had their bikes pointed in the other direction so we all headed that way to another trail But alas that trail was snowed in as well. I decided after driving this far to the way way end of Pizzzgah I wanted to at least try to do the original ride known as Horse Cove Gap. Nobody was innarested except for little Butterfly so we headed up the snowy doubletrack while the rest of the group headed off in another direction.

I must say the first 1/4 mile was a fucking bitch. Deep powdering snow calling for snow shoes or cross country skis but not mountain bike tires. But alas the bike gods blessed us, we came around a switch pack and "poof" the snow was gone from the trail like it never existed as we crossed onto the south side of the mountain. The next 2 hours was mostly dry double track followed by an occasional 1/4 mile of hard to ride deep snow. Neither my spidery self nor Butterfly intended to do anything but get as close to the top of the mountain as possible. BUT, we got to the top and the beginning of the singletrack and holy ass fuck shit if the trail wasn't dryer than a nuns snatch.

We yanked out our trusty pisgah map, figured we had roughly 2.5 hours of day light left to mostly decend about 7-9 miles and said, hey, fuck it, lets go for it. The first 3/4 of the trail was amazingly dry, tight twisting singletrack that led to frequently drop offs, twisted roots and some muddy sections and an occasional 50 years of shady deep snow. This was pure bliss. We stopped for some snacks in a sunny spot and both had perma-grins on our faces. I knew at this moment I would remember this ride for a loooooong time.

All went well for the next hour or so. We finished the main decent and ended up on a roughly 3 mile slight climb with some rollers along the way, and that's when the snow really piled up and the temps dropped as it neared 6 pm. The last mile seemed to take forever as the snow got deeper and deeper. Seeing Butterflies pimped out mini-van at the trailhead was a welcome site as darkness set in.

We both agreed this was one our best rides ever, truly the soul of mountain biking adventure, unknown trail conditions, weather and so much more.

2008 is the year...seriously it is...

Ok, some of my Jeep brethren have heard me sing this tired old tune but this is the year the old trusty(well...) CJ gets her new wardrobe.

Here is the paint scheme color combo I've decided on, my favorite brown / orange combo. The same color as 75 percent of my t-shirts.

Ffrrrrrriiiiggiiiidd

With temperatures at 7 degrees about 7:30 a.m. this morning, the forecast calls for a high around 27 degrees today.

Wind chill early today could go as low as -3 degrees, according to the National Weather Service. Winds will be out of the south between 5 and 9 mph.

This is just a cool old Asheville Photo

This is just fucking crazy

Moved my computer into my bedroom today, what a fucking pain. Had to crawl back under my house and rerun all of the ethernet cables. Not fucking fun.

Here are all of the cables I have behind my computer to run all of my hard drives, various peripherals, etc. What a fucking mess.

Asheville Winter Warmer Beer Fest

A great great time was had by all at the innagural Asheville Winter Warmer Beer Fest right here in our nice town of Asheville, NC. The event was cohosted by the French Broad Brewing Co. and The Garage.

The even sold out ahead of time so it was pretty packed, but there were almost no lines for beer which was very nice indeed. Lots of out of towners were there from knoxville, atlanta and Florida. There were several bands that played along with some great(as I was told) barbecue. There was about ten breweries present with roughly 40 beers total. I sampled them all....I think at least twice.

Some of my favorite quotes....course I'm going to hell....

"Religion easily has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money"

"If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." Einstein

"The most henious and the must cruel crimes of which history has record have been committed under the cover of religion or equally noble motives." Gandhi

"Lighthouses are more helpful then churches." Benjamin Franklin

"Religion is an illusion and it derives its strength from the fact that it falls in with our instinctual desires." Sigmund Freud

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." George Bernard Shaw

"You’re basically killing each other to see who’s got the better imaginary friend." Richard Jeni

"I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder." Bill Maher

Joke o' da week

A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary. As the couple is reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replies, “All I wanted to do was fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry.” “What are you thinking now?” the wife asks as she undresses. The husband quickly replies: “It looks like I did a pretty good job.”

Conan O'Brien Versus Steve Colbert

Conan VS Colbert

They are both fighting over who "Made" Mike Hukabee's recent success as a presidential front runner...good fucking stuff...and this is WITHOUT writers.

The longest hockey fight I've ever seen

Man, these freggin' Russians won't give up!! Worth watching till the end, it gets slow in the middle but then another five or six fights break out at the end....crazy shit.

Remember Boyz....

First Big Event of 2008

Holy Shite, a new beer festival in Asheville. Now we are getting somewhere. It's the first ever Winter Warmer Beer Festival.

It will be Saturday, January 19, 2008. This event will be held at The Garage at Biltmore (next door to French Broad Brewing Co.) from 3:00 - 7:00pm. It's already 60 percent sold out, so wait to long and you'll be sittin' at home watching re-runs of Night Rider and staring at yer pecker.

For more info click here.

Soggy's Best of 2007 - Year in Review

Best Live Show: Hands down Todd Snider at the Grey Eagle. Honorable mention goes to The Drive By Truckers who did a rare half acoustic set then finished off with some serious southern style rock.

Best Festival: I would probably say Brewgrass but it sold out earlier than a Catholic Priest run Boy Scout Jamborie. I did enjoy Knoxville's Brewer's Jam for it's sheer quantity of tasty beverages, but it lost some on the fact that everyone in that town wanted to kick our asses. So I'll probably have to go with LAFF due to Mooney's attempt to ride the tallest bike ever.

Best Local Hangout: French Broad Brewery wins this one hand's down, especially with their pre new years show staring Dave Desmelik who was in great form.

Best Restaraunt: Hmmmm....so fucking many. Tough call. I'm trying to do a 7 day juice fast right now so I don't really want to ponder this one.

Best New Business: Cinebarre gets this one. First run movies, fine selection of tap brews and edible food. Papas and Beer might have one but they've been promising the liquor licence longer than Quessey has been talking about selling his condo.

Best Beer Selection: Barley's Taproom

Best New Beer: French Broad's Alt.Beer yum fucking yum

Best Musician: Dave Desmelik or Pierce Eden, tough call. And then there's Woody Wood.

Best Bike Shop: Carolina Fatz because they help you right when you walk in, gave me a discount when some chouder head stole all my gear outta my Jeep, and they aren't snobby fucks but good guys who like to ride yet aren't anorexic skinny bitch men. Plus they are totally cool if you buy your bike somewhere else, they just want you to enjoy your ride.

Worst Bike Jersey: The ever annoying Bio-Weenies jersey that every single cyclist in asheville seems to own fifty of. Every time I see that yellow I wanna grab a fucking carrot.

Best Bike Jersey: Addictive Cycles, true, they are in GA, but its black and grey.

Best Bike Ride of the Year: A night ride I did with Butterfly late winter on black mountain trail in Pisgah.

Best X-mas gift: Got this cool ass shitake mushroom growing kit, after one week this baby is kicking out some tasty shrooms, check out the photo to the right.

New Ablum: This goes to Neil with his cranking spanking Chrome Dreams II. Man, the song Ordinary People weighing in at over 18 minutes is pure Neil Young power.

Best Quotes: "Did you see Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards? I don't want to say that that performance was a disaster, but after the show, I saw Rudy Giuliani having his picture taken standing on her." - Bill Maher

"Go, Raiders." - Robert Comer's last words before being executed in Arizona

"We are what is wrong, and we must make it right." - Al Gore, accepting the Nobel Peace Prize

"I'm more of a man than any liberal." - Ann Coulter, noted anorexic religious zealot.

I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them…" - George W Bush

Best Tee - Vee Show: The Shield

Memorable Films of Last year(07 dumbfuck)

Shoot 'em Up: Ok, this is one of the most over the top movies I have ever seen. No shit. In the opening scene alone the "hero" played by Clive Owen delivers a baby during a gun battle with about 50 heavily armed bad guys, then severs the umbilical cord with a gunshot which doesnt hurt the mother or child. He then kills a villian by smashing a raw carrot thru his brain. Good stuff. But, believe it or not those are some of the more tame moments on this movie. Paul Giamatti is great of course as the uber villian, but I kept wondering if the actors were taking this film seriously or it was just for fun, certainly the latter. I'm guessing most people I know will loath this film, but I loved it for all its absurd death scenes that are so over the top that....fill in something clever here. I can assure you though that you will laugh in utter disbelief at this movie.

Some quotes from Shoot em' Up:

Mr. Hertz: Do you know why a gun is better than a wife?
Man Who: Dunno.
Mr. Hertz: You can put a silencer on a gun.
-----------
Fuck me sideways.
-----------
Fuck you, ya fucking fuckers.
-----------
You wanna buy bullets with food stamps?
-----------
Talk about shooting your load. [after killing several men while at the same time having sex with the leading lady of the film]

No Country for Old Men: Best movie of the year, hands down. If you haven't seen it yet then you truly are a cinematic idiot. And if you walked out of this movie like one person I know...jesus h fucking christ!!

Eastern Promises: I love a good Russion Mob Flick, throw in the best fight scene every filmed and ya got something.

Hot Fuzz: Edgar Wright's follow up to the great fucking film "Shaun of the Dead",

Superbad: An instant comedy classic that's right up there with Caddyshack, Stripes, etc.

Sicko: Michael Moore's new documentary about the shabby state of health care in the U.S. I never thought much about this until I became self employed awhile back but fuck shit health care costs are fucked!!

Grindhouse: I loved this film. I wanna see more Stunt Man Mike!!

American Gangster: Go Ridley Scott....

Sunshine: If you liked 2001 chances are you'll like this.

Please Dear Satan Let's Quit Quoting These Movies!!

I'm guilty as the next mutha-fucka, but lets make 2008 a year of not using the following movie quotes, you should know what movies these are all from:

"Sounds like somebody's having a case of the Mondays."

"It's just a flesh wound."

"We're gonna need a bigger boat"

"English, MOTHERFUCKER! Do-you-speak it?"

"She was a ho... for sho." {This is gonna be a tough one for me!!}

"You're puttin' the pussy on a pedestal."

"This suit is NOT BLACK!"

"My name a Borat"